2003-03-24 10:57 a.m.
strand me

Hello.

Last night i did my laundry. Unfortunately the laundromat decided to close before i could finish drying my clothes and i had to drag a whole bagful of wet pants, shirts, and undergarments into my room, which i had just burned incense in. Wet clothes and incense do not make a good combination.

As i was crawling around on my floor this morning, searching for at least one article of clothing that did not smell like wet dog and noting that the washing machine had really given me my money's worth by ripping a huge hole into my favorite jeans while thinking that it couldn't get any worse, SBC Pacific Bell called.

It seems that the powers that be have decided that i owe them $75.24 for services i didn't even know i was getting! And i have to hand over this money (which means i have to go trolling about the mission looking for the "certified Payment Center") by friday or they will disconnect my service and spread all sorts of horrible lies about me.

Do I look like i have $75.24? Hell, if i had $75,24 i'd be halfway to Paris by now, wouldn't you think? I could buy all sorts of things. Like food! And a new pair of pants! But I can't do that because i owe the phone company money that i do not have!

What am i going to do? First i am going to call Brett and cancel our lunch plans for tommorow even though i promised we would see each other tommorow ("Hi? Brett? Can we reschedule for next week? Why? Well i just realized that there is no possible way i could be hungry tommorow! How does next wednesday sound?"), Then i am going to find a way to get $75.24 by friday, and eat a tortilla with cheese! But most of all, i am going to smile. I am going to smile because i have a huge essay to write, four pages of dialogue to memorize by wednesday, and a sociology test in a few minutes. I will console myself with the fact that i am not yet bald and have the luxury of ripping large amounts of hair out of my head while screeching in pain!

What? How do i look? Well i look like death warmed over, julienned, and sauteed with some lovely Morel Mushrooms in a tangy cheese sauce!

Bon Appetit, Mon Chers!

-Mark

whore's hustle / hustler's whore