hello.

sex is absurd. It is ridiculous. it is utterly hilarious. And i can say that, now that i've had it. That's right. I, who have been steadily complaining about my blatant virginity these past few years no longer have it to complain about. It is gone. But the fond memories of my "first tme" do remain.

Some highlights:

-Refusing to take anything seriously, i gabbed the other partie's genitalia and made it talk. "I am a penis." it said. "I am a happy penis."

-Throughout the whole "ordeal", i affected an English accent and would not shut up. No, i was not whispering sweet nothings into his ear or even "talking dirty." I chose instead to discuss the new CD's i had bought, and which movie i'd like to see next along with some sexy conversation about how i was broke and needed money.

-Oral sex is a laugh riot! I should know because i didn't just giggle while it was happening, i guffawed like you would not believe. But i'm sure i'm not the only one who has ever done this. I mean, you look down and there's someone's head and you can't help but laugh at the whole surreality(?) of the situation.

-I am not very good at acting too sexually excited. In fact, for the most part i spent the evening with a bemused expression on my face. By bemused i do not mean that i had a sexy smile playing on my lips and a mischeivous glint in my eye. I mean i just looked amused. As amused as i am when i am playing with a balloon animal or petting a nice furry dog.

-I almost burst out singing "is that all there is" halfway through. Thankfully, i didn't because i am polite and realize that there are some times when you're just not meant to be a comedian. It wouldn't have been appreciated.

-Something not to say: "Wow! It's bigger than i expected!"

But i had fun. And i'd like to do it again sometime soon. Why? because i am a dirty whore! Except i didn't charge for it, so i may just be a slut. Please excuse me while i go repent and wash away my sins!

-Mark

side crawl: If anyone has been wondering why i post only once every few days now, i have a simple answer. Diaryland will nto let me. Most of the time when i try to post it says "sorry...too many people...get a gold account." HMPH!